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"Public body modification can force you to trade one life for another - it's very rare to be able to have it all (but it can happen with effort). Looking like yourself will force you to work much, much harder than people who all look the same. Being free requires a lot more work than being a slave. Running your own business is more effort than working for someone else. Being an actor is more difficult than watching a movie. Cooking a meal is more difficult than buying a cheeseburger at a fast food joint... But, there are still people left in this world who believe that sometimes the difficult - but free - path is the more rewarding.

"The fundamental question in becoming publicly modified is a question of finding a balance between how free you want to be and how hard you want to work. The more free you are, the more responsibility you have to take for yourself. The more you blend back into the crowd, the less freedom you have, but the 'easier' your life gets. But is it really your life if you're not controlling it?"

-- Shannon Larratt
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It's been 6 years, to the minute, since my mom died.

If Roses Grow In Heaven

If Roses grow in Heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me,
Place them in my Mother's arms
and tell her they're from me.

Tell her I love her and miss her,
and when she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek
and hold her for awhile.

Because remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
but there's an ache within my heart
that will never go away.


Heather Faye
February 5 2000



When my baby gets older, I am not going to waste any mintue of it. I want her to have the best possible memories of her momma. I want her to stand on my feet while we dance to the radio. I want her to laugh until her sides hurt. I want to play house with her when she gets in the linen closet. I want to play in huge boxes with her and see what we can make out of them. I want to twirl and twirl until we get dizzy and fall down. When she cries, I will never say "I told you so", I will only listen and hold her. If she is scared of monsters under her bed, I will put the box spring on the floor to squish them. I will teach her how to make bannock and sing traditional songs. If my dad is still alive, he will teach her how to smoke hide and make moccasins.

It's the least I can do. She is all I have now.

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